Things that bug me...

1) On busy buses...selfish idiots that seat themselves on the outer seat whilst the inner seat is empty... should you choose to ignore this passive aggressive behaviour and request to sit down, you are inevitably forced to inch your way past them in a space the size of a drainpipe to the inner seat.  Heaven forbid that they would actually deign to move over for you or even stand up for 2 seconds to let you slip in.  

2) Pierced ears on babies & children... this is just so 'pikey' ...why not get junior a tattoo, bull terrier &  Benson & Hedges habit while you are at it?

3) Men who are dragged into women's clothes shops by their spouses... there really is nothing more pathetic than a small herd of embarrassed & awkward-looking blokes, eyes down and shuffling in the entrance of Monsoon whilst their 'beloved' tries on a mountain of garments in the changing rooms.  During clearance time this is even more irritating as the herd inevitably form a physical obstacle to prime sales goods placed out front.

4) The fact that I cannot clean a pair of shoes without getting black boot polish on my forearms, chin, forehead etc...

Currently Coveting

1) Jaeger multi strand necklace

2) Jaegar ottoman suit

Seasonal supper

Roasted sea bass with garlic and parsley butter

Serves 2 hungry people:

1) Take 2 medium sized cornish sea bass, ask your fish monger to descale, decapitate and gut

2) pre heat oven to 220 degrees

3) roughly chop a large handful of parsley, mix in a bowl with 50g of roasted garlic butter and the rind of half a grated lemon

4) score 3 deep cuts into the sides of fish with a sharp knife, stuff the cuts and the fish cavity with the herb/butter mixture

5) place fish into the oven for 15 minutes on a baking dish lined with greaseproof paper - when cooked the skin of the fish should be crispy with white,  moist but firm flesh underneath

6) while the fish is baking, fry some lardons with a little butter & lemon thyme, add a handful of king prawns and the juice of half a lemon, simmer gently until you have a golden buttery reduction to pour over your fish

7) serve with a simple herb salad and some minted new potatoes & /or cous cous to mop up the juices 

 

Glitteryfish the musical: the tunes that define me....

(the early years!)

Someone left a cake out in the rain' by Jimmy Webb

 1976 - aged 5, crossing the Severn suspension bridge late at night on a long car journey with Mum & Dad. I remember thinking at the time this song was desperately sad (cake was important issue to a 5 year old) and sobbing my heart out watching the lights twinkling in the water as we drove along. 

Just Can't get enough - Depeche Mode 

1981 - aged 9.. the first pop song I learnt to play on the piano..I was at boarding school at the time which I hated with a passion....  Respite came in the form of the eye wateringly pungent pickled onion monster munch, heart shaped glittery diddy boppers, ra-ra skirts, bubble writing, furry pencil cases and letters and parcels from my best friend Sharon. 

 It was about this time that I first knew I wanted to be a singer. In school holidays Sharon and I would record the top 40 on tape (carefully trying to avoid the talking bits) and concoct elaborate dance routines with a 'soft toy' audience.  We wrote our first song called 'he always

 leaves us' about a negligent widower father that neglects his children by continually working late.  I remember the line 'why did our mother have to die when we were only 4' as being particularly poignant! 

Uncertain smile - The The

1987 - aged 15... I was introduced to the music of The The by Gemma Proctor in a biology lesson and it was a bit of a revelation. I still find Jools Holland's piano solo on this track absolutely breathtaking.. if ever there was a band that perfectly encaptured teenage anguish, this surely must be it with angst ridden lyrics such as 'how can anyone know me when I don't even know myself'...and 'why can't love touch my heart like fear can'... deep stuff!! 

Let the Beat hit 'em - Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam

1990 - aged 18 - my final few weeks at home before going off to college -  I first heard this track at a big all night party I went to with some friends about a week before i moved to London, the rave scene was just kicking off, summer nights were endless and days were spent picking fruit and getting a tan . Incredibly carefree days heady with expectation.. this track still sends shivers of excitement down my spine even now!

to be continued...

The art of performance

Okay so I might not yet be an expert on this yet but in my 5+ years of singing jazz, soul and blues, these are the absolute top five NO NO's I have seen committed by fellow performers or worse still commited myself...

At number 5... Learn the bloody words... or at least make some effort to ad-lib should you forget them... there is nothing, & I mean nothing worse than a singer shuffling sheepishly over to the piano to peek at the lyrics or looking down at his scrawled notes mid song except perhaps..

Number 4... the Belting Diva...oh we know how brilliant & sexy you are... we know you can blast it like there's no tomorrow but really do you have to when performing in a space the size of a match box with the crowd mere inches away... Don't you know its really all about connecting with your audience, making them feel good and a-d-j-u-s-t-i-n-g your level to the crowd..I really do prefer my ears blood free thanks...but admittedly this horror is a slight improvement on ..

Number 3...the frightened rabbit... wild scared eyes, trembling hands, voice emitted in series of high painful squeaks, hands kept stiffly in pockets at all times.. and you are doing this for fun you say?... get back to accountancy where you belong along with the...

Number 2.. Tuneless rhythm-less warbler.. the accompanist finished minutes ago along with your fifth cue to stop singing but you'd never know it as you just continue to howl along at your own random pace tapping your foot to some bizarre melody only you can hear in your head. Feedback screeches rent the air as you lumber backwards for the third time, mic in hand into the pickup vicinity of the speakers along with ...

at Number 1 ...the indie screamer... edgy guitar based track replaced by ploddy piano accompaniment + on-stage writhing, yelling, + mic sliding = really really exceptionally naff...

Products that make my life 100% better:

1) Marks and Spencer's double cream porridge... yes I know its full of fat and will probably kill me before my 40th birthday but I can think of few lovelier breakfasts. I like mine served with hot tea, pomegranates and maple syrup... Mmmmm nice!

2) My Video Ipod... I really could not live without this .. as of this moment mine contains over 1000 songs, 90 hours of audio books, audio files of me singing plus a whole feature length version of Dirty Dancing ('Nobody puts Baby in a corner'!) . I love it so much that when its predecessor died recently and the nice people at the Regent Street Apple store replaced it with my brand spanking new one no hassle at all, I could have kissed them and danced for joy down their scary glass steps... I don't love my in-ear apple head phones so much though - I think they were made for someone with tiny tiny ear holes as they pop out at the the merest hint of a head bob ....I nearly took out the eye of the lady sitting next to me on the bus recently when I got a bit over excited listening to Groove Armada ... the shame!

3) Nigel Slater ... well his books anyway.. particularly Real Food which is the only cook book that has ever earned me, a culinary simpleton, any gastronomic compliments. This book can help anyone pull together a hearty and tasty seasonal meal whether you are feeding 2 or a party of 12. His chicken with garlic, herbs and cream is quite frankly superb ... but then you would expect nothing less from a man who grew up in Worcester.

4) My Ravak Bath - I'm quite a long person by which I mean i'm 5ft 10 inches in fact in bare feet and this is the first bath I have ever owned that actually makes me feel fully submerged rather than just covering my nether regions in a small enamel dish with my legs dangling over the side... add foam and its absolutely bloody glorious!

5) Kurt Gieger High Heels - they are the only, and after comprehensive research I mean only high heels that are comfortable enough to dance, walk and even run in without inflicting severe pain. They also come in huge sizes which my size 8 feet are very thankful for.. no more contemplating little-toe amputation to squeeze on a pair of charming but wholly inappropriate foot crippling steel heeled numbers.. result all round I think.... by the way the rather slutty shoes featured bear no resemblance to my sexy but elegant pair.. but you get the idea...

Perfect day

My idea of an absolutely perfect day....

Wake up around 8am to a sunny but crisp autumn weekday. Breakfast: good strong tea made as only my partner can & pancakes with berries, creme fraiche and maple syrup, accompanied by Woman's hour on radio 4 and some high end glossy magazines such as Red or Easy Living.

Workout at the wonderful Reebok gym in
Canary Wharf - how all gyms should be (if you're drinking Bacardi) with gorgeous skyline view, huge changing rooms and showers cubicals bigger than my flat. The swimming area is particularly lovely with ultraviolet filtered water and soft textured pool-side (no more whacking your head against the side when doing back-stroke!) and best of all never anyone in it! Pity it costs a king's ransom to join,

Light but gorgeous lunch somewhere like Carluccio's followed by a huge caffe latte and a shopping trip to here, here and here to buy an outfit for the evening ... this is my fantasy so i'd have at least £1,000 to spend oh and i'd also suddenly drop 2 dress sizes! ... something along these lines would do very nicely & these shoes with it!


Returning to my 5 bedroom house in Holland Park (dahling!) which has just been cleaned, polished and filled with flowers, i'd be welcomed by my pug - Humphrey and my partner 'A'.  I'd beat him at a game of scrabble (now this really is a fantasy dogs can't spell!) whilst taking afternoon tea in front of a roaring fire.

After a long hot bath together, with a perfect gin and tonic  A and I would spend the night entertaining our friends, having a sing song and altogether drinking and eating way, way too much.  At about 1am we'd turf our mates out onto the street just as all the tubes and buses were stopping... and laugh at them all as they stumbled drunkenly home to their poor sad hovels.......